Monday, September 09, 2013

What Is Going On Here?

This past weekend I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out just what, exactly is going on in the video for Taio Cruz's "Dynamite."  The video presents a complex vision of a dystopian future, but not one totally devoid of hope.  My interpretation is below.

Clearly, what we have here is a post-apocalyptic world.  Global climate change is in full force, as the dry, hot climate obviously indicates.  But more than that, the world's population has been decimated by a terrible plague.  Only a few survivors remain to pick up the pieces of our shattered civilization. While I am uncertain of the exact biochemical mechanism at work here, it appears that exposure to silicone breast implants somehow conferred immunity to the survivors.  And that sets the stage for our plucky group of scrap metal salvagers/freedom fighters.  There has to be an offscreen villain who is oppressing these poor women.  A man, I suspect--with calf implants. The shapely legged tyrant has trapped our silicone survivors in a brutal servitude, where they live in junked car bodies.*

Enter Taio Cruz.** It is clear right from the beginning that Cruz is a high status individual in this post-apocalyptic world.  He has not one, but three, functional BMW motorcycles.  He arrives fully clothed, the ultimate status symbol in a world where the global supply of cotton has been virtually destroyed by rising sea levels and desertification.  (Note how little the junkyard concubines wear!)  Taio has made his way in this brave new world as an arms dealer.  He comes to make a deal, accompanied by his lawyers/henchwomen/consorts. But then something happens.  A tug of conscience perhaps?  The arms dealer changes his ways.  He can't stand by and profit off the misery of three dozen innocent, busty, flat stomached women. That would be wrong. He can do more than sell them dynamite. He can lead them. Taio gives a rousing speech where he demonstrates his almost unbridled machismo and virility. With an explosion, the revolution begins.  The young women, thrilled to be freed from the shackles of involuntary situational lesbianism, rejoice and make Taio their war-leader/king. *** Soon, the tyranny of the calf-implanted madman will be brought to an end.

*--This is not surprising.  Any review of post-apocalyptic film will tell you that the first skill lost to mankind is the ability to build and/or live in houses.  In the future, everyone will live in houses made of barrels, scrap two-by-fours, and tarpaulins--all held together with chicken-wire.

**--I know what you're thinking: "But how did Taio survive the plague?" I think any exposure to silicone breast implants must confer immunity.  Yes, the future will belong to a motley conglomeration of porn stars, playas, and plastic surgeons.

***--The true depth of the ladies' relief can be seen in the sheer decadence of their celebration.  In a world where water is in short supply, only a very special occasion calls for frolicking in a bubble bath.